Look, I have nothing to enjoy in life so I decided to go with food but then I remember I have eating disorder. you bad bitches.
I’m so confused I don’t know which comes first , depression lead to abnormal eating habit or mindfuck tuck in brings my depressed bitch back.
The worst things is I can’t say I’m anorexic cause I’m on binging period and excuse me for saying this, but I look so fucking overweigh, (me trying my best to ignore the F word, dangerous word). If I said hey I’m ana they gonna be like ‘but erm, you look plentiful, I mean you look way better than — ,*250+ words essay about why I should cherish my body*”
and all I can absorb is that I’m not skinny anymore, I’m not skinny and the world is gonna fall apart, I’m gonna cry, thank you for understanding my condition.
People thought I’m fully recovered cause I’m not a bone walking anymore, what they don’t know is all my attitude toward everything about my appearance espiecially my body , stay the same, and seems worse everytime I look into the mirror.
Good morning, it’s not getting any better, I’m just fatter.
I know it’s wrong to have this mind-set sitting in my head but I can’t get it off no matter how. fyi. I don’t see other not-slim people as bad image, not ever, never even one time. I have to make this clear because it’s about me , not others , only me. it goes like this ‘ other girls have confident ,good attitude ,smart, friendly, they are all attractive in their own way, my face is horrible , so do my behavior I have zero self-love I need to be skinny stop try to fight my hormone *Scream*
Not actually scream, I quit screaming. I have to save my thorat in case my disorder develope into bulimia so I can finally throw up peacefully. yippy.
kidding.
kidding about kidding.
There’s so many people over there in the same situation, I believe. Ana is not about whether we’re skinny or not, just because we now have food in our belly. it doesn’t mean we’re alright. and we, thicker version of ana are suffering in the pool of eat and feel bad but can’t fast anymore, damn it.
I haven’t got enough time to tell my story but let’s say I’m started eating back then cause they say they gonna electricshock me and put a food into my vein. otherwise I’m gonna fucking die.
I’m not even care, you know, I was like, bring it on.
but mom are finally back from work and she’s crying.
So I was like, Okay.
Okay, Whateve.
Too sad to wake up 